


no life without you

by swinterswonderland



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt, One Shot, yeah just hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25224790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swinterswonderland/pseuds/swinterswonderland
Summary: It doesn’t always have to be you, she wants to scream. Can’t you choose yourself for once?(Catra takes the failsafe)
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 123





	no life without you

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a post about this on twitter, and I couldn't get it out of my mind. The depression, the angst u_u

“-it’s better than Prime getting the Heart and destroying the universe!”

She is tired. 

“We’re out of options. This is the only way.” Determination. Resignation. Both set in those gray-blue eyes she has always sought after her whole life. Cold, firm, calloused hands embracing her shaking wrists. 

She knows, deep in her bones, that this is the moment she loses. 

And. She is. Just. Tired, of this same story playing itself in front of her eyes over and over again. Pain. Loss. Self-sacrifice. The hero breaking pieces of herself, one shard at a time, grinding them down, and offering them up to the altar of the greater good. As dictated by some grand destiny foretold by a higher power.

Tired, of watching the hero deny herself her own life.

(Adora has never let herself be just _Adora_. She has always forced herself to be more under the tutelage of one authority figure after another. Star apprentice. Promising cadet. Elite Force Captain. _She-Ra_ is just the most recent in the long line of expectations thrust onto Adora’s shoulders. 

She wonders if, underneath the crushing responsibilities and titles, there is still something left of the bright smiles she used to bleed for in the Horde)

 _It doesn’t always have to be you,_ she wants to scream. _Can’t you choose yourself for once?_

 _Can’t you choose_ us _?_

If she lets this story play out again, if she lets the hero accept this penultimate burden, she knows there will be nothing left of Adora by the end. This will be the last piece sacrificed for the greater good. One last part of Adora to fizzle out. 

( _And what will that leave Catra?_ Nothing)

And. She just. Can’t stand it anymore. Can’t watch it happen again, for the last time. She wants to take a new course for once, break away from the worn-down script of witnessing the tragic chosen hero. She needs to assert that she _does_ have a say in what will happen.

(She’s done with being left by Adora for some grand destiny. Fuck Shadow Weaver. Fuck the greater good. Fuck the First Ones. Fuck She-Ra)

Before she can demand for somebody else ( _anyone but Adora, please, not again_ ) to take the fall this time, the doors behind them burst open. Chaos floods into the chamber and chases away any thought but survival and the failsafe. 

Corrupted magic in the air. Fighting. Shouting. She has always fought for every scrap she has in her life, so it is habit by now that she claws herself to the top and keeps her head above the turmoil. She sees herself, desperate but slowly gaining ground with Melog by her side. She sees the Rebellion, her allies, holding their own against the other sorcerers by the skin of their teeth. She sees Adora tied down by vile, pitch-dark tendrils, keeping her from reaching the failsafe. 

Those tendrils will give soon. They are no match for Adora’s determination, and, once free, Adora, brave, self-sacrificing Adora, will walk to her death without a thought. And Catra will see her world crumble and slip away _again_ , for the final time. And she will have to live in the _after_ , with only Adora’s absence as her cold consolation.

It’s an easy decision to make, to walk to the failsafe. 

She is a selfish creature. She has never denied the fact. She had to wear it on her skin shamelessly to survive the ruthlessness of the Horde. Who else would fight for her sake if not herself?

“Catra?”

She has always had to struggle for any scrap she has, so it is natural for her to cling jealously to everything in her possession, down to the smallest and pettiest item.

“Catra! What are you doing?”

One of which is the fact that she has never gone through a single day without Adora in her life. Her earliest memories were of those gray-blue eyes, and every step of the way since then has her meeting them in steely corridors, in the barracks, in the battlefield, even in space.

She will damn make sure that she will never face a day of Adora’s absence.

“Stop!”

It’s not like she can picture herself after the war, anyway. There was always a threat to her life lurking in the periphery. Shadow Weaver, Hordak, Prime, most especially herself and her self-destructive ways. With those odds, she has never expected herself to live long. Her future is a faraway dream, an abstract concept she never deemed important enough to seriously dwell on. It is a trivial trinket to lose, all things considering.

“Please, don’t do this.”

Her ears are abuzz with noise, but Adora’s breaking voice pierces through the cacophony of the battlefield behind them, so Catra stops, feet a few steps away from the center of the crystalline platform. She meets Adora’s eyes. Catra’s own exhausted determination against renewed desperation.

“I won’t let you be the hero this time.” It comes out soft, but she is sure that Adora hears it, because the other woman starts thrashing harder against her bindings. Catra turns her back.

The tendrils snap, and Adora is finally free. She scrambles to her feet and surges forward to seize Catra’s wrist, but before she could close the gap, she is tackled back into the ground.

“Melog, _no_! Get off me! _Catra_!”

There is only light.

**Author's Note:**

> This was an exploration of what could have gone in Catra's mind if she had decided to take the failsafe. Lemme know what you guys think in the comments!


End file.
